Then I moved to Arizona when my parents divorced. It was an ugly divorce that changed my life in ways I will never really know. My dad married the girl he cheated with who was 19 to his 40 and my mom became a drunk. Basically when I moved to AZ I was on my own. I worked 2 jobs and gave the money to my mom who in turn drank it away. We were evicted from 2 places before we ended up staying a a drug dealer friend of hers house. Or at least I did. She stayed at her boyfriends house a lot. I stayed at friends houses whenever I could. Years later his house was busted by the cops and he is now dead from years of drug abuse. I was enrolled in high school and as a freshman and tested in to junior classes. The idiots put me in freshman classes anyway and I decided I wasn't going to do that again. So I ditched school or just didn't go. I had no supervision so I did what I liked. I roamed the streets at night, not to get in trouble, just to be away. I didn't do drugs like my friends but I drank and smoked. I worked at one place now and I always went to work, but now I kept some of the money for myself.
And then 1991 happened. What a year. My grandpa, the only one I ever really knew, died in February, my niece was born in May, my mom was in a drinking and driving car accident that ended with a kids death in June and my brother was in a drinking and driving accident that nearly killed him in December. Needless to say I stopped drinking in 1991.
We knew my mom was going to go to prison so I called my sister who had moved to Iowa and asked her if she and her family would come back to AZ and help me get a place and basically just live. The home that my mom had set up for me to live at fell through. My sister came back to AZ with my niece and we found an apartment. Her husband followed soon thereafter. While we lived there I took care of Brianne during the day while Danyel worked and I worked at night. This is when I fell in love with baby Bri. She was the bright spot in my life full of darkness. Things got messed up-I still don't know how- but we were evicted and I moved to Missouri again to stay with my dad. That was a joke so at 17 I moved back to AZ and stayed with my grandma who finally let me stay with her. At this point is when I feel like I got my shit kinda together. I worked a retail job making decent money, bought my first car and went out with friends dancing. I was having a good time. And I met somebody and he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. It was 1994.
So I got married and I got panic attacks. Like debilitating panic attacks. At several times in my life they have been so bad that I couldn't leave the house. I still worked, but I worked in places close to home. I even got into property management and a perk was I could live where I worked. Most of my 20's is marked with periods of panic attack ebbs. I caught my husband cheating on me in 1999 and we divorced in 2000. 99 was another interesting year. That's when Brianne came to AZ to visit me alone for the first time. It was a hard year for her. But that's another story.
And in 2002 I had my baby Gracie. She changed my whole life. She was the best gift I ever got. She gave me a reason to try harder at life. And in 2004 she was diagnosed as autistic. It was devastating and relieving all at once. She would be different but now I knew. And then at the end of the year I was diagnosed with cancer. And she was literally my reason to live. And I had Brianne move out to AZ with me, she had hit teen years and needed a mom. And I was scared I wouldn't make it.
I had non-Hodgkin's follicular lymphoma stage 4. I had it, I beat it.
I dated a few men over the years. Not going to name names or point fingers. None of them worked out. I gave up on having a relationship. My life was Gracie and trying to take care of my mother. I worked and made decent money, bought a house for us all to live in.
Just when you think you are comfortable life throws you a curve ball. Its karma or Murphy's law or whatever you want to call it. I was fired for the first time in my life. And I couldn't find another job. So I was one of millions in 2007 that filed for unemployment. It was the strangest thing to me to not get up and go to work. The only other time I didn't go to work since I was 13 was when I was pregnant with Gracie. And at this point in my life and old friend found me.
My Jason. We knew each other in high-school, worked together after high school and both went off our separate ways. He found me on Facebook and the rest is history. We got married in 2010 and have two beautiful children together. I was not supposed to be able to have kids after chemo but surprise!! We live in Washington where he is stationed for 2 more years. Then he gets to retire, and yes retire- 20 years. He is amazing and makes me try to be a better person. He drives me crazy sometimes but he is my soul mate.
That's my life. There is of coarse more to it, details. But I may or may not get into them. Depends on my mood.
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